On drinking and getting drunk

England is not normally associated with drinking things other than tea and perhaps it should. In way of alcohol, people drink as much over here as in Eastern Europe, even if the English are not exactly renowned for being able to handle it very well.

Beer is very popular with guys, even if they do not like it at all. Drinking it is more often seen as a thing to do when you are a man rather than something to enjoy. Cocktails, usually vodka with a variety of mixers, are popular in clubs, but in a pub setting more of a womanly thing to drink. Pure vodka is rarely drunk.

Culture of drinking wine is quite strong, and you would have some over dinner, although it obviously depends on how wealthy you are. Giving some alcohol to your children is natural, as is having alcoholic drinks on almost any formal or informal gathering, where people are meant to socialise. Drinking seems to facilitate it a lot, and thus becomes a sort of obligation. But besides its social function, drinking is primarily done to get drunk. And that is done, in turn, to get laid. 'Beer3 helping ugly people to get laid' says one of the posters you put on your wall.

Pubs, or Public Houses, are great places to meet, have a pint of lager and eat fish & chips, but they close at 11 p.m. At least you cannot buy any more alcohol thereafter, which has to do with the licence they possess. Happily, there is another kind of licence, which allows one to sell alcohol until 2 a.m. and some bars enjoy it. Obviously all clubs have this licence; clubs being places hosting London-wide, world-wide or only your-town-wide known dj's who will mix dance music for you. It usually means things like drum'n'base, uplifting house, or cheesy 70's and 80's classics.

People go clubbing to stay with their mates, get drunk, have a bit of a dance, pull someone and get laid. Something to do on a Friday or Saturday night, but even that finishes sometime and you stagger back home buying fast food. Fortunately, even then you can have some fun, as it is almost a custom to urinate on the walls of what has been built on your way. And that possibly accounts for the excellent state of the Victorian houses throughout Britain. Hm.

Put the words into action

You do it anyway. But if that's not the case... Well, you should go out to pub with your mates. Make it every other day (and necessarily Saturday) to start with and remember to drink no less than five pints of lager and three shots of vodka each session. Build on that. Leave the place at 11 p.m. sharp and go clubbing. The cheesier the music, the better. Every now and then try to down some more vodka, the more so if one of your drunken buddies buys you one. Eternal bliss guaranteed.

Good luck! And as you get over your hang-over, browse us next week for some useful info on English medicine.

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